24/10/2026
🎯 THE CASTLE TAV DARTS – DIVISION 1 MATCH REPORT 🎯
🏆 CASTLE TAV 1 – 8 COMRADES CLUB
Another tough day at The Tav office for the lads on a wet and windy Friday evening…..and another tough week for The Tav Sporting Director trying to herd the cats for our latest excursion into the heady heights of Division 1!
🚫 Dazzy B – OUT…..Attending his latest AA meeting in Deutschland.
🚫 Turkey Turner – OUT…..Attending The Tav bar.
🚫 Smooth Andy – OUT…..Attending to some fl**zy down south.
🚫 The Parson – OUT…..Attending to his ingrowing toenail.
REPORTING FOR DUTY: 🫡
Captain Lambert, Daddy Cool Boon, Lumpy, Big G, Young Joe, Cal Durks, The Southerner & The Iceman.
Following last week’s infamous finishing debacle, the lads decided enough was enough and assembled for an impromptu Wednesday night training session.
DOUBLES PRACTICE WAS THE ORDER OF THE DAY! 🎯
And how did that go, I hear you say?…Don’t ask…
FAST FORWARD TO FRIDAY NIGHT…..
The lads assembled nice and early at The Tav, full of optimism and good spirits.
Lumpy in particular was in VERY good spirits…..The Tav’s Happy Hour promotion proving far too tempting to resist as he pumped away on the doubles and trebles!…..an outstanding role model for our younger players.
Another tough opponent awaited as we welcomed the lads from The Comrades Club to the famous Snug Arena.
With an average age of 70, these boys were actually founding members of the league back in the 1960’s …..a well-oiled machine with decades of experience!
The steps into The Snug safely negotiated, walking sticks placed in the rack and The Dad’s Army were ready for battle! 👴🎯
🎯 BIG G
First up against Comrades sharpshooter Matty Peary.
Now Big G had adopted a new tactical approach for this encounter…..SOFT DRINKS ALL NIGHT!
Unfortunately, it backfired spectacularly as Big G struggled to hit anything of note and Peary strolled to victory.
Back to the hard stuff next time, Tiger!
🎯 DADDY COOL BOON
Fresh from finally learning to ride his bike, Daddy Cool had clearly taken the stabilisers off and came flying out of the blocks! 🚴
Looking nailed on for victory, Daddy Cool lost his way, wobbled, fell off the bike and watched helplessly as Ford overtook him on the final bend to nick the win.
Stabilisers back on for next week, Daddy!
🎯 LUMPY
Up next…..same darts…..YES, THE SAME DARTS!
Currently on a health kick, Lumpy proudly announced he was sticking to Diet Tonic for the evening. Unfortunately, with approximately 15 gins accompanying those tonics, the writing was already on the wall!
Another point to Dad’s Army and the Comrades marched into a 3–0 lead.
🎯 CAPTAIN LAMBERT
The skipper stepped forward to steady the sinking Tav ship. A decent crack at it from the Captain, but in truth he’s not quite firing on all cylinders this season.
Perhaps he needs a holiday to recharge those batteries……..Might be getting one soon if results don’t improve! 😂
Another defeat…..4–0.
🎯 THE ICEMAN 🧊
Disaster had struck during the pre-match warm-up when The Iceman suffered a serious injury…..to his DARTS!…..Forced into borrowing Big G’s arrows, he actually started pretty well.
Unfortunately, the old Tav disease struck again…..DOUBLE TROUBLE!……Franky Frankland needed no second invitation and duly mopped up another point.
5–0…..this was getting ugly!
🎯 CAL DURKS
Promoted to the first team, Cal stepped forward for the final singles encounter against Peter Purvis…..the baby of the Comrades outfit!
Cal produced some decent darts and gave a good account of himself, but once Purvis found his rhythm there was only going to be one winner……The suffering was finally brought to an end.
SINGLES RESULT: CASTLE TAV 0 – 6 COMRADES 😬
ONTO THE DOUBLES…..
🎯 YOUNG JOE & THE SOUTHERNER
First up, two Tav lads currently searching for that elusive bit of form.
Unfortunately, Purvis and Middlemiss weren’t in the mood for charity and comfortably took the point……..7–0…..the dreaded whitewash was looming! 🫣
🎯 CAPTAIN LAMBERT & LUMPY
The Captain strolled confidently to the oche…..Lumpy staggered behind him! 🍺😂
Facing the formidable Barker and Peary combination, expectations weren’t exactly sky-high……But the The Captain suddenly remembered how to play darts and Lumpy somehow managed to remain upright long enough to contribute!
THE TAV HAD WON A GAME!
🎯 DADDY COOL & BIG G
Final action of the evening saw Daddy Cool and Big G step up to the oche.
Sadly, the lads were never really at the races and the Comrades clinically wrapped up proceedings.
FINAL SCORE: CASTLE TAV 1 – 8 COMRADES CLUB
🏆 ANOTHER TOUGH NIGHT AT THE OFFICE!
Another bruising evening for The Tav lads, but as always a thoroughly enjoyable one……This Divi 1 lark is proving a tough old gig…..but the lads are sticking at it, improving every week and will be all the better for the experience.
Well…..that’s the theory anyway! 😂
A massive thank you to the Comrades lads, a genuinely lovely bunch of gentlemen and a pleasure to host……..Just a shame they couldn’t stick around longer for a few beers afterwards…..
Apparently The Terrace House wanted them all back in for 11pm!
📺 Catch all the action, expert analysis and exclusive behind-the-scenes footage on TAV SPORTS – CHANNEL 123.
Or 999 if you’ve got a dodgy stick! 😂
OVER & OUT! 🎯🍺